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Upcoming Important Events that I wanna look good for:

1. April 24- Jason Aldean Concert
                         I wanna look cute in my shorts and  cowboy boots <333 goal weight: 175
2. June 2 and 5- My 17th birthday! yayaya and cousins graduation
                        I wanna look good for my birthday beach trip and for my cousins since I have not seen them in 2 years! goal weight: 150

some thinspo for motivation:

god, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference

-Narcotics Anonymous


I AM -
[] anorexic
x] ednos
[] bulimic
[] living off diet pills
[] hungry
[] thirsty
[] drinking something
[] Under 100lbs
[] starving myself
[] participating in a fast

[] ask if I’m anorexic/bulimic
x] call me fat
[] say I’m skinny
x] say I’m ugly
x] say I’m pretty
--->my best friend and family is the only people that has ever said I am pretty so I dont count it:/
[] spread rumors about me
[] force me to eat
[] say I eat too much
[] wish I’d eat more
[] don't know I'm anorexic/bulimic
[] know I'm anorexic/bulimic

[x] I was THIN
[x] I had a better body
[x] I didn't have to eat
x] I could control myself
[] i wish i was under 100
x] I could avoid food
[x] I could hide what I am
[x] I wasn’t fat
[x] I was pretty

[x] feeling hungry
[] seeing a difference when fasting
[] shaking
[] being weak
[x] losing weight
[] being anorexic/bulimic
x] green tea
[] diet pills
[x] being able to turn down food
x] feeling good about myself

[] I am shorter than 5'4.
[x] I think I'm ugly sometimes.
[x] I have many scars.
[] I tan easily.
[] I wish my hair was a different color.
[] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
[] I have tattoo(s).
[x] I am self-conscious about my appearance.
[x] I had braces.
[x] I have glasses. But don't wear them.
x] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100 safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
[x] I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger.
[x] I have more than 2 piercings.
[] I have piercings in places besides my ears.
[] I have freckles.

[x] I've sworn at my parents.
x] I've run away from home.
[] I've been kicked out of the house.
[] My biological parents are together.
[] I have a sibling less than one year old.
[x] I want to have kids someday.
[] I've had children.

x] I'm single
[] I'm in a relationship.
[] I'm engaged.
[] I'm married.
[] I've gone on a blind date.
[] I've been the dumpee more than the dumper.
[] I miss someone right now.
[] I have a fear of abandonment.
[] I've cheated in a relationship.
[] I've gotten divorced
[x] I've had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
[] I've told someone I loved them when I didn't.
[] I've told someone I didn't love them when I did.
[] I've kept something from a past relationship.

x] I've had a crush on someone of the same sex.
x] I've had a crush on a teacher.
x] I am a cuddler.
[] I've been kissed in the rain.
[x] I've hugged a stranger.
[] I have kissed a stranger.

[x] I've consumed alcohol.
[] I regularly drink.
[] I can't swallow pills.
[x] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem
[] I have been diagnosed with clinical depression.
[x] I shut others out when I'm upset.
[] I take anti-depressants.
[x] I'm anorexic or bulimic or have EDNOS.
[] I've slept an entire day when I didn't need it.
[x] I've hurt myself on purpose.
[x] I'm addicted to self harm.
[x] I've woken up crying
[x] I've lost weight
[x] I've gained weight
[x] My weight holds me back
[x] Weight consumes me.
[] I'm at my thinnest 
[] I've lost weight and kept it off
[x] I've lost weight but gained it back
[x] My weight affects my mood
x] I weigh myself daily
[x] I am jealous of everyone smaller than me
[] I thrive on compliments
[x] I feel bigger than people who are my size
[x] I feel happy when I'm hungry
[x] I get depressed after I eat
[x] I've skipped a meal
[x] I've thrown food away
[x] I've spit food out
[x] I've fasted
[] I've taken diet pills
[] I've used laxatives
[x] I've purged
[x] I exercise
[] I exercise so I can eat
[] I work out secretly
[x] I work out daily
[x] I exercise to counteract eating
[] I've fainted from exhaustion

I've done:
[x] Weed
[x] Cigarettes
[x] Alcohol
[] Diet pills
[] Pain killers
x] Anti-depressants
[] Ecstasy
[] LSD
[] Mushrooms
[] Speed
[] Cocaine
x] Other
starting school tomorrow so I will be out of this house!

goals until summer:
1. weigh 200 by the end of this month (Jan)
2. weigh 185 by the end of Feb
3. weigh 170 by the end of March
4. weigh 160 by the end of April
5. weigh 150 by the end of May

current stats: GROSSSS
H: 5'9-5'10
HW 225
CW 225 :( I gained 15 pounds over break I weighed 210 like a month ago
1.Are you on the verge of a binge?


3.Where has your control gone?

4.Does food really control you THAT MUCH?

5.Do you want to be fat for the rest of your life?

6.So, if you don't start taking control of your life now...when will you?

7.Have you shared any food with a family memeber or friend today?

8.Have you exercised today?

9.Do you think you should exercise now instead of stuffing your face?

10.Are you the fattest in your group of friends?

11.Are you trying to make anyone jealous?

12.Do you think if you binge now you'll reach your UGW?

13.Do you want to be picked up by your friends with ease?

14.Do you want to be able to sit on your friends/bfs lap without crushing them?

15.Do you still feel like binging?

16.Have you had 8 glasses of water today?

17.Imagine how many compliments you will get when you're thin, do you like the thought of that?

18.Look at yourself in the mirror, are you happy?

19.Pinch the fattest part of you, would you like to loose that?

20.Make a pact with yourself that you will resist this binge because you're above that!

I feel like high school is just flying by me
everyone is enjoying it. having fun partying while I am the fat shy one in the corner crying b/c I hate everything about myself and I am so jealous of other girls.

I want to be skinny
I want to be popular
I want to be outgoing
I want to be the fun one
I want to be a partier
I want to have fun
I want to take risk
I want to be comfortable with myself
I want to be the one my friends call first to hangout
I want to wear bikini's
I want to go swimming without being embarrased
I want clothes to look good on me
I want to be happy

wow I wish my friends and family could read this
then maybe they would understand me more

400 calories 400 calories 400 calories
exercise exercise exercise exercise
and then maybe I will achieve some of these

it is still the beginning of junior year and now is the time to buckle down and loose weight by christmas I will be looking a whole lot better and by summer who knows if I put my mind over matter maybe I could accomplish all of those things

I could have:
more Miley pictures.....
I know some of these I posted a few entries ago but what ever
OMG she is gorgeous! My ultimate thinspo

Miley Cyrus is my ultimate thinspo I think she is gorgeous and amazing plus so skinny
I WANT to be as skinny as her
I want to be THIN no matter what it takes I will get this skinny



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January 2010


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